At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
