dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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