perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
