Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
