I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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