I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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