Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
ttyl tear gas
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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