You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
two words: eviction party
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
