dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
