What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
