If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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