we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
