I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
