I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
