you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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