she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
