it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
