your thong is hanging out like whoa
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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