1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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