Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
