Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
