you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
