She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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