I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i believe in u and ur pee
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
