Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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