he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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