Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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