i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm passing your future prison.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
