How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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