Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
