it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
