I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
