he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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