Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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