Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
