just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
being pregnant is like rehab
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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