I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm having to shit out rocks
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
