why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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