the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
