i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
