All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
