How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
