His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
