Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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