so that wasnt chicken after all
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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