How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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