We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
