I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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