I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
