Yo dont text me then not text me
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
this just has baby written all over it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
