My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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