What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
