I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I love you.
Bad choice
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
