So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
