so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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