Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
