I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
