i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
