I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
