morning after pill = breakfast in bed
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
