I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Operation Purity has been aborted
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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