I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
