ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
