if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
