I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
