Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
