Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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