im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
