Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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