I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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