would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
