That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize