Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
