wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
