walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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