He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
