Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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