Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
