Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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