people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
