mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
