so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
