Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
