I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
