you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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