If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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