what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
