butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
