I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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