I showed him my bush... on skype.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
