Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
