I bet he comes in French.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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