Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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