How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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