i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
